Mirror

I think there are a couple of ways of confronting addiction or negative behaviour and ‘flooding’ (a brutal realisation and exposure) certainly shatters your metaphorical mirror. You’ve ignored the cracks in the windscreen and you can’t hide from it anymore. That in itself sets one on a pathway. The various manifestations of ‘low’ in the process of conviction and public disclosure, victimising family and friends, and the loss and breakdown of life as you once knew presents you with a choice. You feel great shame, blame, guilt, remorse, self-hatred; and you observe the shattered pieces of your mirror and set to work, beginning to rebuild. Some can’t face it, some lose everything and remain broken. I count myself incredibly lucky to have retained as much support as I was able to in helping me pick up those shattered pieces and attempt to re-construct the jigsaw puzzle of my identity. I am proud I had the bravery and resilience to seek answers, to delve deep and unpick every angle of that mirror held up to my ugliest self. I am forever grateful for finding and re-designing parts of myself that were worthy and good. Of course, I had my own rehabilitative journey through Probation, which not only provided an internal and external rhetoric to understand, but a voice to debate and grow, a processing of thoughts, feelings and behaviours. The supervision was a necessity of my conviction but, fundamentally, provided the frame and fixtures for that mirror to exist once again. A better life is about seeing all of yourself and not being afraid of it.